Speaking of gross verses in the Bible…

I forgot to mention “the grossest verse in the Bible.”

O Daughter of Babylon, doomed to destruction, happy is he who repays you for what you have done to us-

he who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks. Psalm 137:8,9

FamilyLife has this great new Podcast called Nuclearity.

The did a whole show on this verse that I thought was phenomenal:

The Grossest Verse In The Bible]]>

My children have taught me many things:

***How to be a:

nurse (all the numerous injuries….ask Mike about it)

respiratory therapist

pharmacist

counselor

chauffer

massuese (ok, I can't spell these foreign words!)

maid

chef of pb&j and macaroni and cheese

pillow

bean bag

professional nose wiper (and bottom wiper for that matter!)

puke receptacle

snack maker

janitor

professional clothing attendant

laundry attendant

great diaper dispenser and changer (if there was a degree in poopoo changing I would have a Ph.D. as would Mike)

translator (learning 4 different baby languages and cries is a learned skill)

school teacher

time teller

gym teacher

entertainer

playmate

better hugger

better smoocher (all the mama's boys love hugs and kisses!)

storyteller

book narrator

referee (she called me a name, he hit me, he took that)

person that answers to many names (mom, mommy, mama,etc.)

an intercedor of prayer

prayer warrior

artist

milk mama, instead of a cow

swaddler

shoe tying expert

multi-tasking driver

If I sat here longer I could think of more…My brain hasn't been functioning at full capacity since I freeze it in 40 degree weather each day at 4 am…………Actually, it is going quite well, we have shaved off around 10-15 minutes from our time walking 3.5 miles in one hour! Our goal is 45 minutes. Yeah!]]>

Hello????????????? Does anyone besides my husband read these? Mike and I were talking last night how it would be fun if people would comment on these. Whether it makes you chuckle, smile, throw up or whatever, would like to hear from you.

This is the third week I have walked and I was able to see a difference in my clothing last week. That is immediate gratification for me and great motivation. When your body has been pregnant and birthed 5 babies you have that flappy thingy that just hangs down, you know, that “mommy pouch.” I am excited to say….the pouch is getting much smaller. I am also seeing a diminishing chicken neck, that double chin thing that grosses me out more than the mommy pouch. My britches don’t have such a poochy look to them……….. 

I was ready for a haircut so decided to go shorter since I have lost a few pounds and the chicken neck wouldn’t be as noticable. It must be a bad one. You know when you go from long to short and it is obvious but people still ask “did you get a haircut?” and you just want to respond, “no!? This time no one is even asking the obvious. Oh well, it will grow back, unlike Mike’s hair! Each time he gets it cut, a little less grows back. That can be another entry some day.

For now, though, I am keeping focused on the LORD and enjoying His blessing of finally losing 8 1/2-9 years of baby fat……(I was pregnant on every calendar year from 1997 to 2005 with the exception of 1998.) He is the One who gives me strength each morning to get up at 4 a.m. and the One who has blessed me with two friends to be accountable to. I am grateful I have that time each morning as I come home and am able to do a quiet time with Him!

This Sunday we had a guest pastor who gave an overview of Proverbs. As he was speaking my mind began to wander and I started thinking about my favorite verse in Proverbs: As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly. Proverbs 26:11*

Pretty gross but it is memorable and gets the point across.

That led to me thinking about other crude and gross verses in the Bible which then led to to thinking about our Christian culture and our emphasis on being “proper” and “polite” and “dignified.” Sure, all of those things have their place and we shouldn’t be rude and crude just for the sake of it but sometimes it is necessary.

Toward the beginning of Ezekiel, God has him lay on his side and drink specific amounts of water and eat specific amounts and types of beans and grains. Somehow, its all supposed to symbolize the siege of Jerusalem or something. Then God tells him how he is to cook it:

Eat the food as you would a barley cake; bake it in the sight of the people, using human excrement for fuel.” The LORD said, “In this way the people of Israel will eat defiled food among the nations where I will drive them.” 

Then I said, “Not so, Sovereign LORD! I have never defiled myself. From my youth until now I have never eaten anything found dead or torn by wild animals. No unclean meat has ever entered my mouth.”

“Very well,” he said, “I will let you bake your bread over cow manure instead of human excrement.” Ezekiel 4:12-15

Alright, that’s just gross.

Ok, that stuff is sort of borderline. I could see a pastor explaining it from the pulpit, maybe a few people would be offended but no big deal. Its just poop, its not like it was crude talk about sex. That would be going too far.

Uh oh…

Later in Ezekiel, God is talking about Jerusalem and using the metaphor of Jerusalem being a prostitute:

There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled.

Ezekiel 23:20 

Uh… did he just say “genitals like a donkey?” And I’ve never seen a horse’s emission but I get the picture.

Now, that crosses the line of decency. You just can’t talk about that stuff in church, it wouldn’t be proper.

*You know the song “As the Deer?” “As the dear panteth of the water so my soul longeth after you…” I’ve always wanted to make a version called “As the Dog.” “As the dog returns to vomit so a fool repeats his fol-ly.” It’ll be the next “Lord I Lift Your Name On High” I tell ya!]]>

Have you ever wondered why kids are so attracted to dirt? Not just the dirt that comes from the earth’s soil….any kind of dirt will do. Before I had kids I would be out in public and see little ones with dirt under their finger or (worse yet)toe nails. In my naive mind I thought what kind of parent would take their child in public looking that way?! Hehehehe……………..then I had my own kiddos and learned that there is some kind of dirt magnet that kids are born with!. Dirt can get in places that you may not even know are on the human body. Dirt can be a brood spectrum of things…….food leftover from any given meal, dirt from playing with worms (Elizabeth’s dirt of choice), toe jam or fuzz (you know, from the socks), general dirt from a week’s worth of playing……..the kind that accumulates and there seems to be light brown patches all over the body (this would be Luke’s type)and then the “nassy” kind which yep, you guessed it for Isaiah, under the toe nail dirt. This one cracks me up because he is in the house most of the time! Nassy is nasty in Isaiahnese! Even, the not so baby anymore, Elijah has dirt under his toe nails. I have yet to figure that one out! What can I say??………..Kids are dirt magnets!!!
What is even more disgusting is that on occasion the dirt will produce a smell. For instance, this morning Elizabeth took a bath and she still smelled. “Elizabeth, did you put on clean socks?” no answer……”go put clean socks on.” The smell disappeared when she put on clean socks. One week she did the same thing and called them her “lucky socks!”
I can accept the dirt and that it comes along with the kiddos. What I don’t understand is how upset they become when you ask them to dpart from the dirt..you know….wash their hands or actual bathing. I guess they have a relationship with the dirt in which parents can’t understand. They cry when we tell them to wash it away. So, I have become one of those moms who take their kids in public with dirt on their kids…not by choice, but by some unexplained physical phenomena only known to kids!

I haven’t been playing guitar much since I’ve moved to Little Rock. Just haven’t been motivated to pick it up. 
To motivate myself, I decided to challenge myself and learn Minuet In G by J.S. Bach. I have the TAB, which looks pretty easy… until I actually tried to play it.

Here is the TAB and a MIDI file if you would like to try it yourself:

Minuet In G - TAB

MIDI File

Have fun!

Edgerrin James has signed with the Arizona Cardinals and there goes the lynch pin of the Colts offense. Yes, Peyton, Marvin and Reggie are all studs in their own right but Edge running the ball or even the threat of him running the ball opens up the offense for the other guys. Stop James and you stop the Colts. The Chargers did it then the Steelers did it in the playoffs. And look at the season and a half where he was injured, one of those seasons they didn’t even make the playoffs.

He does three things and he does them better than any other back playing in the NFL: Run, Catch and block. Sure there are backs that can do one, maybe two of those as well but not all three. If there was a stat for “yards after contact” I guarantee you he would lead the league.

So, how do they replace him? You don’t. But they may be able to get a back that will get the job done and shore up the defense even more with room under the cap with the new NFL deal and not having to pay a star running back.

Plus, I trust Bill Polian (the Colts GM.) He let Marshall Faulk go a season after getting Manning and I thought he was the biggest idiot in the NFL. Then he signed Edgerrin James. WHO?!?! We all know how that worked out. So I have to trust that Bill knows what is going on and has a plan. I hope…

I am praising God for how well Isaiah’s tongue is healing. On the way home last night he fell asleep with his popsicle in his hand so I kept it in the freezer for him today. He woke up asking for his “sucker.” I let him have pudding and a popsicle for breakfast….so much for nutrition! At lunch I fixed him a pb&j since it is soft. That silly kid saw the bag of Doritos in the cabinet and asked for them. I reminded him of what the Dr. said about spicy or salty foods possibly hurting his tongue. He said “OK, I want daweetos.” I was thinking ok, try them and you will understand….that stinker stood there and ate a plate full. Never bothered him a bit……so much for needing popsicles! Before bed he had to rinse his mouth with a solution of water and peroxide. He was extremely upset and was crying……it didn’t hurt…”it tase nassy!”

Good thing that precious gift from God is soooooo cute.

You can read about her experience here:

http://www.therileyfamily.org/pblog_karen/index.php?entry=entry060309-071437

We go to the after hours pediatric clinic at our hospital. The nurse took one look and got the doctor……that’s always comforting when the nurse has an uh-oh look on her face and says let me get the Dr. The Doctor took a look and said you may want to go to Children’s Hospital so an ENT can look at it…..even more comforting. We trek downtown and walk in to find every eye staring at us. Is it the blood all over both of us or was it that we were a minority? We walked through security check with metal detector and it dawned on me…….we were at an inner city hospital at 9:30 p.m. It was quite a cultural experience. After waiting a half hour in the triage line to be evaluated it was finally our turn. The nurse looked normal. We begin talking and she said she calls it her ghetto hospital….lovely…she said make sure he doesn’t have anything to eat or drink until after we see the Dr….No big deal….”It will be a couple of hours.” That should have been my first indication we were there for the long haul. Mostly, people came and few went. Little people, big people, scary people, nice people. I am sleepy and thirsty. How much longer will it be….finally…Isaiah Riley……it was only a vitals check. About 45 minutes after that the glorious sound of the name…..Isaiah Riley……….Thank you LORD…….we get back to our room….Oh, look, a bed…..Mommy can lay down. Remember I had been up at 4 to go walking……At around 1 a.m. we FINALLY got to see a doctor. ……… Never did get to see the ENT but they did call and talk to one. No stitches, no antibiotics, watch for infection, soft foods for a few days, could ooze blood wben he eats, yummy!! Our reward, a red popsicle….I was thankful Isaiah was generous in sharing. We were home and in bed by 2:30 am…yeah only an hour and a half until I have to get up to walk……………….

4 IN THE MORNING!!!!! So, last night I was in bed by 9 and was up dressed and out the door by 4:10 am today. Guess What? Holly and Monique are as crazy as me…..they were ready to go!! We prayed for strength, energy, and faithfulness to continue doing this everyday. We just started walking and talking and the next thing we knew we were back at Holly’s house. We looked at the clock and we had walked for an hour and 15 minutes. Monique and I drove the route just to see how far it was….To my amazement, we had walked three and a half miles!!! Yeah!!!! One day at a time and one nap at a time.

here) but I would like to talk about something that affects us all? asparagus urine. That?s right, asparagus urine. Until a couple of years ago, I had never tried asparagus. One night, Karen fixed it and I discovered that I really, really liked it. I ate a bunch of it. Later that night I noticed an interesting side effect: strange smelling pee. I asked Karen if she experienced the same thing but she said that she did not.

Last week, she fixed asparagus again which got me to thinking about it again. I thought surely there would have to be something about it on the internet so I did some research. On a side note, one has to be very careful about what links one clicks on while conducting such searches.

I found this: ?Why Asparagus Makes Your Pee Stink?

Apparently, the culprit is either methanethiol or methylmercaptan which your body produces to metabolize asparagus. According to a study sited in the article only 22% of people report being able to smell it. With this information I decided to conduct an experiment.

I collected a specimen from Karen (its true love) and low and behold, it smelled like asparagus pee to me. She still could not smell it. I concluded that she was one of the 78% that couldn?t smell it. Then, we had asparagus again over the weekend and later that night Karen came out of the bathroom saying ?I think I can smell it.? I went in and sure enough, I caught the distinct odor of methanethiol. So maybe she was part of the 22% after all. I guess maybe she had not produced methanethiol in sufficient amounts for her to detect.

So anyway, I can sleep well at night knowing that we are both freaks.